I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
