Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
