people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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