we have pet lesbian snakes
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
