We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
