His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
