the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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