There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
