Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
