i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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