I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
