And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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