I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
