is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he was CRYING into my vagina
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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