Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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