I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
