so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My vagina is officially offended.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
