I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this just has baby written all over it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
