I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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