I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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