i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
