i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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