Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
