Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
