I wanna bring you to show and tell
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sext me about skeletons
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