mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
