I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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