Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
