Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
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