Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
