i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
