i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
