It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
