at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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