So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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