Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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