just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
