We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
