Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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