I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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