Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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