saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
