I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
