Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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