she was so not down for the gang bang
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
