Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
