and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
