my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
