I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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