dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
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woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Even my vagina gasped.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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