the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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