If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
two words: eviction party
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
