I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
