We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i black out too much to be "responsible"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
