No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom