Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
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Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know