Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.