I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.