i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize