Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
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Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
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He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm