I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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