Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
