Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think i have herpe
just one?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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