how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
