We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I've blown a few things in my day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
