I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
