remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
did i just pee glitter
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