Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
