I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
