i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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