I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
