Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
