i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my being single is dangerous.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
