I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry my hands just texted you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
