I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
